Day 81 brought another milestone day, only this one goes in the ‘sad’ column. After a two and a half year battle with cancer – about the same amount of time our adoption journey has been – our 9 year old King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, Pacey, finally succumbed as we put him down and out of his misery. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t drink, and he was an uncomely, pitiful mess. Unfortunately, his time had come.
It was a hard day. When Liza left to be with him in his last minutes, I had a good, private cry, and as a way to get my emotions down on paper (ie, Facebook), I posted the following as I thought about the current set of circumstances:
I can’t help but ponder the complexity of life right now. Its joys and sorrows, beginnings and ends, salves and hurts. Right now Liza is taking our 9 year old Pacey to the vet to put him down. He had a tumor removed in May of 2011, and quite frankly, I’m surprised the cancer took this long to overtake him. He was as stubborn as his mama, and he fought valiantly until the end. He was good dog, loyal as they come, and a friend to Liza in ways that even I couldn’t be.
We have been celebrating a new beginning in our home, and it has filled our hearts and home with joy. Now we mourn a loss, one that shouldn’t ever be. If anyone tells you dying is natural, they have convinced themselves of a lie. Dying isn’t natural. It’s the opposite of what should be, the antithesis of what we all long for. All living things die, yes, but let’s not act as though it’s THE reality. If cancer didn’t exist, or growing old didn’t exist, or cells didn’t mutate, or pain and heartache and a million other things we seek to avoid didn’t ever occur, NO ONE would ever want to die. Life is the most precious of all commodities, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Jesus said, “I am the LIFE.”
Something’s gotta give. Either we’ve set the bar way too low for existence, or we will live forever. Longing is a very, very hopeful notion indeed, and I find it too potent to treat it as though it’s a fairytale.
So with that being said, I’ll leave you with the Chick-fil-A documentation in pictures, which included a 6-pk package of Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies, which, at the time of this post, have dwindled to just
one zero. I suppose nothing drowns one’s sorrows like a Chick-fil-A dessert.
On a good note, Liza, Asher and I were able to go to the park for the first time today, and it was fun to see Asher’s face on the swing, and for him to ask dad to take him down to the slide. (Well, and by “ask” I mean dad’s interpretation of what he might ask if he could talk.)
(great pic of Jessica and the Saturday night Chick-fil-A crew)